A Love Letter to New Mamas
So, you’ve just had a baby. Has your world been rocked? I know mine was. Three times over! Whether it’s your 1st, 2nd, or beyond, your life has just been changed forever. Becoming a Mom changes you on a fundamental level. You’re still you, but you will always be different now. It’s ok though, or it will be. After having 3, I’ve learned that the transformation takes time and you’ll transform over and over again. As your children change and grow, so will you. Now, my oldest is only 7, so I’m no expert on any ages over that. Also, I’m not an expert on any age in general. But after mom-ing for 7 (almost 8 now) years, I have learned a few things that I’d love to share with you. (And Dads I’m not trying to leave you out, but I’m writing this one specifically for new Mamas).
You Will Probably Cry
The first thing I want to say is that if you’ve just given birth and you’re crying nonstop, you’re normal. I’ll never forget after I had my 1st, the amount of crying I did in the weeks immediately after I had him. And I had NO IDEA that this happened. Turns out, it happens to many people that have given birth. At the time, however, I thought I was malfunctioning. Wasn’t I supposed to be full of joy? I mean, I was SO happy, but I was also crying. Thankfully, my mom and a close friend assured me that they had experienced the same thing and after talking to other moms, I found out that most of them had gone through it as well. And let me tell you, I cried because I was exhausted, because the baby wouldn’t latch, because I started brewing coffee with no pot, and because my husband looked pale. Nothing went un-cried about. It’s ok. This does usually taper off after the first few weeks and if it doesn’t, you should feel no shame in asking for help.
The Exhaustion is Real
I knew I’d be tired. I didn’t know how tired. I’m not saying this to scare anyone. Just simply that you will be more tired than you ever thought possible and you will still carry on. Once, after my first was born, I woke up to him crying in the middle of the night and I was 100% convinced I had two babies. I ran from room to room because I could not find the other baby. I finally was standing in the middle of our living room and couldn’t think of what other rooms to check when I fully woke up and remembered that I did only have the one baby. It’s exhausting, but you do get through it. Somehow. Sometimes, I’m still not sure how to power through the exhaustion, but we’re moms and we do. Brew coffee and make sure there’s a pot to catch the liquid.
Trust Yourself
This one is important I think and it’s hard. Because as we know, babies don’t come with directions. And you’ve never done this before. Even if it’s not your first, it’s still brand new and you still have to re-adjust. But you do know your baby best. Dads too here. You’re the ones who are with them the majority of the time and you know. Trust your gut. Anytime I’ve had to trust my instincts, they haven’t been wrong. And I’ve had times when I thought I was being too overprotective or making a big deal over nothing. I’ve had to override that feeling multiple times. One time with my third, when he was 5 months old, he was completely fine in the morning and he woke up from his nap and I immediately felt like something wasn’t right. His breathing sounded off. I told myself he had been fine a couple hours ago and so it was probably nothing, but my gut told me repeatedly that something was wrong. I took him to Urgent Care and it turned out he had RSV. Thankfully, he ended up being fine after they deep suctioned his nose (horrifying by the way), but he was pretty sick for over a week and I worry if I had not taken him in when I did, it may have gotten worse. So, if you feel something that just won’t quit, listen to yourself. You’re probably right.
Final Thoughts…
Finally, I hope you go easy on yourself. Like I said above, becoming a Mom changes you fundamentally. Your body is healing, your emotions are all over the place, you’re exhausted, and all the while you’re trying to take care of your tiny new baby and do what is best for them. It’s not easy. I feel like it is simultaneously one of the hardest and absolute best things in life. So, I hope you let yourself feel all the feelings and don’t worry if they aren’t all happy feelings. Also, the newborn phase is WILD. It gets easier. You’ve got this, we’ve all got this.
